


Morning

by armint



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-02-29 21:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18786364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/armint/pseuds/armint
Summary: Jean explores his feelings with Armin.





	Morning

I often wondered if it was the lack of privacy that made me like him; or just, guys in general. The barracks were where privacy took a hike, where your days were spent seeing the asses and chests of other guys and your nights were spent listening to shuffling hands under blankets. As the years had gone on, it became normal to an extent. At times it was just goddamn annoying, but others it was as normal as taking a swig of water. But what I realized wasn’t normal, though, was how my interest in a certain black-haired girl had switched to that of a blonde-haired boy.

I could hear his voice now, talking to whoever about possible improvements of the gear. It was all muffled, though, as I was laying on my bunk with my face indented on my pillow. We had gotten back from an outing last night, and although it was morning now I found myself tired and moody. But alas, rest doesn’t come to those who live in barracks.

“Hey Jean!”

It certainly doesn’t.

“JEAN!”

Just as I rolled over Connie’s head poked over the edge of my bunk. He looked like a doofus with a huge smile on his face. “We’re going to breakfast! You really shouldn’t be this lazy after being in the military for so many years.”

Immediately my hand shot out to push him away but he had already retreated, running out of the room. _What’s he so happy about?_

I rolled once more, this time on my back. I didn’t know why I was so moody. I guessed it was just from lack of sleep, but I had a feeling it was more than that, that it had more to do with how muffled my thoughts were. If I wasn’t thinking of him I was sleeping. The barrack had quieted significantly, and I relished in this peace, shutting my eyes. _Maybe I don’t need breakfast_ , I thought, _I can just lay here and not have to worry about anyone for a little while…_

“Jean?”

_That voice…_

I opened my eyes and was met with the sight of him, peaking over the edge of my bunk. His nose and mouth weren’t visible -only his big blue eyes, looking wide and curious and so, so adorable. My cheeks flushed.

“Yeah?”

“Are you not going to breakfast?” I sat up on my elbows, eying the room to find it empty save us two.

“Ah…no. I wasn’t thinking of going.”

Armin nodded, his eyes turning downcast. I watched him momentarily before deciding against having an awkward moment of silence between us. “Were you?”

The words came out harsher than I had intended them to, but when Armin looked back at me I could tell he was smiling. “I don’t know. It’s nice in here without so many people.”

I nodded in agreement. He was introverted, I knew, and I’m sure this time was good for him to think. I wondered momentarily how many times he had skipped breakfast to stay here to read or think. His mind was brilliant, but it’s hard to work through anything with rowdy cadets around you. Without a thought I spoke.

“Do you want to come up here?” I paused, feeling stupid. “With me?”

“Oh!...Alright.”

_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ As he climbed up I scooted over. _He didn’t sound like he wanted to at all!_

My head plopped down on my pillow, and shortly after his followed suit. Strands of his hair had fallen onto my shoulder from the act and I felt my heart strangle me. I hadn’t been this close to him in a long time, and as he settled his arm rested against me, his skin warm and smooth against mine. We laid in silence for a bit, each minute of nothing adding more distress to this situation. Why did I invite him up here?

“Sorry.” I said, running my fingers through my hair. “This is weird.”

“It’s alright.” I dared a glance to see a lazy smile on his face, his eyes half-lidded and sleepy, looking up at the wooden ceiling. While I had been stressing from the situation, he had seemed to calm completely. My gaze hung on him, not wanting to look away from how sweet he looked. The skin of my neck heated up and my chest tightened. The effect he had on me was too much. I looked away, wondering what to say. I thought of what Armin usually did, what he usually talked about, if there was anything he truly loved and then the words came out, quicker than I could think.

“Tell me about the ocean.”

For a moment Armin remained silent beside me, most likely hesitant since he tends to gush about the topic, I noted. But I waited, moving my gaze to the ceiling, just staring until he started talking. He gushed of how salty the water’s going to be, how there’s so many different fish no one even knows all of the species. He spoke about the depth of it, how it touched the edge of every piece of land, and about how big the waves could be. His voice carried wonder, and it raised in pitch when he got especially excited about something. His descriptions were vivid and wonderful, and my eyes closed as I listened, picturing what he said. After a while, though, Armin paused, shifting.

“Jean? Are you asleep?”

My eyes opened and was met with his face. It was hovering over mine, eying me…and very, very close. I felt my face go hot. “N-no, I’m just listening!”

He smiled, laying back down. I glanced over at him, noting how relaxed he seemed as my heart thumped against my ribcage. _He doesn’t like me_ , I thought, he’s so calm… _he’s probably not even gay_. I twisted my mouth from side to side, looking back up at the ceiling. Not long after, though, did the boys make their way back to the barracks.

For two weeks after that everything was normal, Armin not seeming one particularly way or another. We’d go to breakfast every morning with everyone else, I wouldn’t ask him to talk about the ocean, and our hands never brushed. After a particularly tough fighting practice with the other cadets, I was left with scraps along my forearms and blisters on my knuckles. Another soldier had entirely pissed me off and I had acted rashly, resorting in us actually fighting. It also resorted in me being entirely too tired to do much of anything else, slinking onto my bunk and passing out. Come morning, I didn’t awake at the sound of the others moving around. I didn’t awake at Connie yelling about nonsense under me. I only awoke to my shoulder being jostled; and still, I didn’t fully awake.

My eyes were peppered with sleep crusties, and they just barely opened to see a concerned Armin face peeping over the edge. Thinking it was one of those wonderful dreams that made me pitch a tent (which thankfully other cadets ignored), my hand reached out, lazily petting his head. His expression changed from concerned to shocked, but my eyes had already closed again.

“Come here…” I mumbled, petting his head once more before pulling back.

“Jean, you’re sleeping –“ He stopped, huffing, and I felt him move farther up the ladder. He shook me again, harsher this time and my eyes fully opened, eying him. “You have to get up, Jean.”

He wasn’t naked like he usually was in my dreams, I realized. He was just wearing his uniform minus his jacket, his sleeves rolled up. “You’re clothed…” I muttered stupidly. The whites of his eyes grew and his face reddened.

“Of course I’m clothed…!” He said it in an embarrassed huff, glancing up to make sure no one else was around.

His response was like a whack on my ass as I realized what I had done -what I had said to him. I sat up abruptly, bewildered, not knowing how to rectify the situation. Red still shown on his cheeks, and I recognized instantly how I had not just embarrassed myself, I had objectified him -or at least he’d see it that way. Even if that wasn’t the case, the only way to admit that I hadn’t seen him as a girly boy like some of the other soldiers, was the tell him how I really felt about him.

“Jean,” He tried, eyes downcast. “It’s okay. I’ve been told things from others about how I’m feminine, and I did pretend to be Christa before. It’s fine –“

“No,” I interrupted, running my fingers through my bedhead. I sighed, taking a moment to prepare myself before looking up at him. “I like you. I’m gay…I think.”

“Oh,” A look of relief washed down his face. “Well that’s okay.”

I grunted, embarrassed. My hand rubbed at the back of my neck. The moment felt unreal.

“It’s a little shocking, though. I always thought you liked Mikasa.”

_Not that I’m gay?_

“I used to.” Pause. “I liked her hair.”

“Do you like my hair? Is that why you like me?”

“Huh?!” My head twisted to him, completely shocked by how nonchalant he was being. But I was met with a less-than-curious Armin, and instead by one who was biting at a grin, playful. While the red still showed on his cheeks I could tell it wasn’t from embarrassment of what I had said. “You’re acting so –“ I couldn’t find the right words and let the sentence fall unfinished. We both watched each other, and eventually I had to look away, feeling hot and confused. I placed my face in my hands, sighing into them as I heard the creaks of the ladder. _He’s coming up here_ , I thought, _why is coming up here –_

“Jean,” He paused, pulling my hands from my face. The edge of my vision was blurred with small white circles. “It’s okay.”

I blinked, my eyes clearing, and looked at him. He was incredibly close; the blonde of his hair pale and soft, the blue of his eyes bright and present, and his cheeks flushed. I could just feel the heat from them, and my hand lifted instinctively, feeling that warmth. He bit his lip in response.

“It’s okay…” His voice wasn’t present, a distant echo as I moved towards him.

My lips touched his.


End file.
